Voice of our Youth
Tiger Mother - Myth or Reality
by Yan Yan Gao
Such high confidence is a trend amongst many of my high achieving friends, most of which also happen to be Chinese. It's true that on the outside, I always talk about how I will fail this test, that test, school, and then life in general. But beneath the surface layer of insecurity lies a solid core of confidence which propels me to be the best. What's my secret to gaining such self-assurance? The answer is my pushy, ambitious, controlling, Chinese tiger mom, someone who is definitely real.
The most famous tiger mother, Amy Chua, the author of Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, is definitely an accomplished parent. Her daughters are both musical prodigies, partially due to natural talent, but mostly just pure hard work and perseverance. Sophie, the elder daughter, performed at the world famous Carnegie Hall on piano when she was only fourteen years old. How many fourteen year olds can boast that? The surge of pure confidence and pride Sophie must have felt for her accomplishment as she took her bow on the stage in such an esteemed hall after her flawless performance must have been nauseatingly satisfying. As Ms. Chua says in her book, "What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it."
But to be good at anything requires practice and dedication; that is the part that is not fun. Sophie spent countless hours practicing piano to reach Carnegie Hall. I have spent countless hours at math lessons, chemistry lessons, and other enrichment courses. The agony and distress I suffered on the car ride to each of these classes is still clear in my memory. I can't count on my fingers how many times I wished that I had normal parents like some of my American friends who would be ecstatic if I came home with a B+. Due to the inconvenient time placement of these classes, I had to miss parties and dances. For a teenager, that is social suicide. But academics always come first; that's what has been drilled into my head since babyhood.
But the pride and satisfaction I gain from being at the top due to my extra knowledge surpasses any grief I might have at being forced to attend extra classes. Like Sophie, tasting the rewards of my efforts erased away all the pain I suffered. I reflect back to how much I wanted to quit the classes, but my tiger mom made me stick to them. That didn't make her my favorite person, but she knew that my future happiness would be more important than my fleeting present time happiness. My mother overrode her own daughter's preferences just like Ms. Chua. "To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences." Living under such a policy is never pleasant, but as a survivor of it, I can say from firsthand experience that, in the long run, it works.
The "Tiger Mom" model of parenting isn't meant to breed happiness. It's not meant to create a nurturing environment in which the child has freedom to explore his or her individuality and passions. A child is introduced to the realities of life from the very beginning. It is a tough, mean, and competitive world out there; survival of the fittest. A timeline of my summers and holidays can be made through enrichment workbooks ranging from reading comprehension to paleontology. My tiger mother really took the meaning of homework literally. Sometimes it seems like I learned more outside of school than in school; I had to so I could stay ahead of the storm. Having a tiger mother is like having a little buzzer in your head that reminds you to always be the best, no matter how difficult or time-consuming it is.
But of course, I am not always so compliant with the strict parenting I have to live under. There are many fights and arguments that always seem to be on the precipice of causing World War III, but at the end of the day, everything turns out to be fine. Each conflict only makes both of us stronger and wiser. Perhaps the best thing my tiger mother has given me is not the pride, satisfaction, or academic excellence; it's the desire to survive and win. She taught me to not be afraid of adversaries or obstacles; I should instead welcome challenges because they will make me stronger. I learned that there is nothing in this world that can't be accomplished with hard work and determination.
Although I don't go around saying it, I really like who I am. I'm proud of all that I have accomplished and am certain that one day I will do great things. Sure, the tiger mom style may be tough, strict, and borderline abusive, but the product is usually worth the frustrations and tears. I am a product of this parenting style and I know I am strong and ready to take on the competitive world.
The page for my grades loaded. I smiled. My favorite letter in the whole English alphabet was aligned down the row for all of my classes: A. To me, the tiger mother is not a myth. I have my very own and I know that many of my Asian friends also have their own. Without my tiger mother, I certainly wouldn't be where I am today. Thank you, my Chinese tiger mom, thank for being strong enough to push me, patient enough to stand by me, ambitious enough to believe in, and loving enough to believe in me through everything.